Clive Owen Time Machine

In my acting class I am being asked to pick a scene that’s reflective of my ‘type’ which is harder than it seems.   I need to know my type so I don’t try for roles that seek ‘a typical Wall Street banker type with an extra macho streak – wants to own his own buffalo wings bar with topless servers while using their breasts for ad space “. This is not me.  Casting is so important. It can make or kill a film.

I was watching Elizabeth: The Golden Age the other night as I have never seen it since I already  know how that story ends anyway but enjoyed the first. About ten-fifteen minutes in, all is proper and Golden Agey and then Sir Walter Raleigh appears to present his gifts from the new world to the Queen.   I would expect Mr. Raleigh to be a little haggard, a little unkempt, maybe a bit of a coconut gut but in walks Clive Owen as Clive Oweny as ever, looking a Queen Elizabeth like a six foot macaroon he was going to stuff in his cheeks.  As some know, I consider Clive Owen the asymptote of masculinity; others may approach, but never reach as they approach infinity.   Here, he looked like he stepped into the Clive Owen Time Machine, which was shaped like him except slightly larger, whisked himself off to 1600 just to seduce Queen Elizabeth. He was dressed like he borrowed one of Russell Crowe’s extra coats from Master and Commander because he was late to the shoot.   And there he was, from the 21st Century, showing the Queen what a potato was “You eat it” as he held it up like a prism.  Clive Owen saying in extra clothes to the Queen “THis is a potato, you eat it” ruined the rest of the film; it made it ridiculous because I know it wasn’t Sir Walter Raleigh; it was Clive Owen, out of his time machine, proving he could seduce any woman in history.  He’s like Waldo.   If he would have ridden in on a Harley I would have been impressed with the film and then he did a Voiceover like Sin City (There was that tension in the court, the kind you find under warrior’s armpit six minutes before going to battle a sloth. I knew the one way to get the Queen was the way I knew on the streets; flashing a potato.”).   Of course, the Queen got to make out with him even as he knocked up on of her court ladies.

I look forward to the next rendition of Joan of Arc.  I have a hunch who will hang glide in wearing a biker jacket.

My scenes are Shakespeare, doc Brown and Father Karras from Shakespeare in Love, Back to the Future, and The Exorcist, a nice little blend.  We’ll see.  I did a liver flush last night and I’m a little fatigued.  Tired on many fronts; uncertainty’s  abound, crops are plentiful.

 

Facebook Twitter Linkedin Email

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post Navigation